The 'Total Turkeys' List

OK we had a post the other day about a 'Must Have' list - and I think I just about kept my job with 5 1/2 out of 8 (Well I'm giving myself the half anyway just to be on the safe side) But what about a 'Total Turkeys' list (say top 10) - perfect for Thanksgiving - carrying the severe penalty that if you play any of them, the Lizard Boss will come after sensitive parts of your anatomy with an electrified cattle prod. Now I'm not talking hate music or anything that serious nor even some of the current crop to which I have a personal aversion, but just songs that stand the test of time of being so insufferably dire that they should be played endlessly to terrorists to force confessions.

The list of course is off the top of my head and could easily change when I next hear something excruciating:-

In no particular order:-

1. Cliff Richard - Mistletoe and Wine

- the grandfather of British pop at his most syrupy. Guaranteed to have you running for the bathroom after the starter and before you even get to the Christmas turkey.


2. Little Jimmy Osmond - Long Haired Lover from Liverpool

- Americans may have been mercifully spared this contribution from the one Osmond who certainly should have been throttled at birth. This falls into the excruciating on just about every level

3. Joe Dolce - Shaddapa ya face

- A bounce along novelty number that sounds mildly sing-alongy ONCE, but when you have heard it twice, let alone 2000 times you have a sudden urge to end it all.

4. Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder - Ebony and Ivory

- The ultimate twee racially together song which takes saccharine sweet nausea to new heights (or is it depths?)

5. Band Aid - Do they know it's Christmas?

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH (should suffice)

6. Chris de Burgh - The Lady in Red

- They still play this before the start of every Liverpool soccer match (Liverpool play in red you see) and its one sound reason for missing the kick-off. Dreadful sentimental drivel.

7. Donny Osmond - Puppy Love

- The Osmonds are doing well in this list. Donny is a marginal improvement on younger brother Jimmy, but this song of dewy eyed teenage angst is definitely a thumbs down.

8. Middle of the Road - Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

- Another of those mindless pop mantras that make you want to dash your brains out on the nearest wall.

9. Elvis Presley - Wooden Heart

- I'm almost certain (can't be sure) that when this came out I cried. Damn it, this was the man who was capable of 'My Baby left me', 'Mystery Train', 'That's Alright, Mama'...the finest white R and B man of his age ...singing Eurotrash. Ugggghhhhhhhhhh.


10. Rod Stewart - Do ya think I'm sexy?

- Now I don't know whether my aversion to this is a 'British' thing because I love some of Rod the Mod's early stuff but to have a male artist capering round the stage like a big girl's blouse singing up his sex appeal was just too awful for words. Hate it.


Well that's my ten for which Bill should dish out lethal doses of rat poison to anyone who plays any of them. I have omitted parochial ones which Americans wouldn't know, like seedy fat drunken British footballers who stagger to the mic at Xmas and re-record some famous hit. Legions of British flowers must be growing in thousands of such records converted into flower pots.

So Ive set you a challenge - not too serious - what are the total turkeys which make YOU curl up and want to die...or at least kill the artists. The floor is yours, guys!

The "MUST HAVE" List

We, the DJs at HotTraxRadio, don't have many rules. We don't play hate music, and we don't play more than 2 songs by an artist in an hour. That's about it. We choose our own music, and maintain our own playlists. But this weekend, a new "rule" has been written. I suppose the current DJs will be "grandfathered" in, but there is now a list of 8 songs new DJs MUST have.

The Lizard Boss' MUST HAVE List to be a HotTrax DJ
1. Boston - Foreplay/Long Time
2. Eric Clapton - Layla (acoustic)
3. Nickleback - Rockstar (he says it's the HotTrax anthem)
4. Shaggy - It Wasn't Me (I say this is the HotTrax anthem!)
5. Tesla - What U Give (live)
6. Eagles - Get Over It
7. Chicago - Beginnings
8. Enya - Orinoco Flow

I suppose that's not a lot to ask of your DJs. For the most part, they are pretty widely known, and most everyone seems to enjoy them... and they do seem to find their way into CDR (Context Driven Radio) fairly often in our chat room.

Actually, I did a little "research" as I was writing this, and I think most of the DJs have all of these, and those who don't have them all have the majority of them. Of course, the Boss was just joking about this list (sort of) but it makes me wonder... what would be on your list of 8 MUST HAVES? I'd love to hear your answers in comments!

The Excitement is BACK!

In case you haven't heard, we have regained our Featured Station status on Microsoft's Windows Media Tuner catalog. This week you will find us in the Jazz Section of the main radio page at WindowsMedia.com (http://www.windowsmedia.com/Mediaguide/Radio). This exposure has given new visibility to the station and the Smooth stream in particular and our listener counts have gone through the roof. We are having a Special Event this week on HotTrax Smooth, with several of the DJs who normally have shows on HotTrax Live coming over and doing their versions of Smooth shows. Be sure to check the main page of our website (http://www.hottraxradio.com) for the Special Event Schedule. With listener counts that are an order of magnitude greater than we've ever had, this is truly an exciting time for us!

I just want to give a great big THANK YOU to all of you out there that are tuning in. And also THANK YOU to the people at Microsoft's WindowsMedia for selecting us and helping to promote our station! We owe you all a deep debt of gratitude!

The Lizard Boss

It's A Pre-Race Party!

Okay all you NASCAR fans... come join the BIG BASH at HotTrax Live... Saturday, noon to 3 HotTrax Radio time. DJ LilHippie is hosting an end of the season party on Rock Your Racin'! You say you don't follow NASCAR? Well, c'mon anyway... LilHippie is an AWESOME DJ, and she will be playin' tunes that will really pump you up! And my Sista and honorary Texan, LilHippie, can PARTY! I promise, if you come, you'll have a GREAT time! You'll even have more time if you wander into our chat room. "How do I do that?" you ask. It's easy! Just go to our homepage at http://www.hottraxradio.com/. Once there, click on the HotTraxLive Link near the top of the page. On the right side of the page, under the "This Is HotTrax Live" Banner you will find a box that says "Chat." Just choose a nickname, type it in, and hit the "Connect" button. DJ LilHippie will be there. I will be there. And chances are, HardtoH8 (aka DJ Jazzy) will be there, too. And probably that won't be all... but even if it is, we'll be havin' fun.

LilHippie promises to have a spectacular show- better than usual, which in my humble opinion is going to be hard to beat, 'cause DJ LilHippie ALWAYS ROCKS! There will be a lot of Jimmie praisin' and a lot of Shrub bashin'... and all the latest NASCAR news. Hope to see you there!

WOW! What a week!

Yep, WOW is the word! I watched from the moment of my last post here till the listener count on HotTrax Smooth topped 240 listeners. It was at that moment that the server, (which was never intended to handle such loads) crashed and burned and the station came to a screeching halt. It only took five hours to get it back online and that was quite possibly the worst five hours of my life (at least in the last couple of years). It was however, a triumphant moment in that it showed me that people really DID want what we have to offer. And not just a few, but SIGNIFICANT numbers of people.

So after a short time, we've come up with a strategy, and our opportunity has been renewed. HotTrax Smooth will be the Featured Station again for Windows Media Tuner during the week of November 18th. We're so very happy to have a second shot at it.

For all of you listeners out there who may be reading this, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts for giving us the continuing will to move forward!

The Lizard Boss

OK, I'm officially excited now!

I'll be honest. From the beginning, I have hoped that we could bring our music and fun to an audience larger than that of just our circle of friends. We have worked hard to make more and more available in the hopes that we could draw a good solid crowd of listeners who would enjoy what we have to offer.

Today, we are beginning to realize that goal. For the first time, one of the HotTrax channels, HotTrax Smooth to be specific, has been listed as the feature station on Windows Media Tuner. This in itself is a major accomplishment, but whats even more gratifying is that instead of just the 5 or 10 listeners that we have been seeing on a regular basis, right now we are averaging almost 90.

All I can say is WOW!!! Thank you, to all of you out there listening, and checking us out! And thank you to everyone who has supported this adventure of ours. We will continue to do all we can to bring excellence to what we offer.

This is truly exciting!
The Lizard Boss

DJs and Music

Here on this very blog DJ Alex and DJ Tatianna have spoken beautifully about music. Of course, at HotTrax we are all about the music. Each of us have a unique love of music, or we wouldn't be here. The "pay" we receive for being a DJ is simply the joy we get from bringing our music to the listeners. Each DJ has put together their own playlist. We occasionally receive music from a loyal listener, or another DJ, but the majority of our music we have put together individually. So every DJ's list is uniquely different. I would say that most of the DJ's have primarily rock music, with country being a close second. What we play, however, is up to the individual DJ and the listeners.

Some DJs program a lot of their shows before they ever take the airwaves, while others chose a few songs to start their show, and then see how it goes. I generally start my shows with a set of songs in the que, and then wait to see if I get any requests. Once I get going, I'll see who is in the chat room, and who appears to be tuned in on the listeners map, and then chose my tunes accordingly. After being a DJ for a while, you learn what your loyal listeners like, and I think most of the DJs try to remember songs and groups that their listeners enjoy. We also try to keep up with what is on the charts, and add current tunes as we can. Of course along with obtaining new music, comes tagging all the music. A DJ's music library is a never ending pursuit. Occasionally DJs have been known to compete with regard to the size of their libraries. But the single thing we absolutely have in common is our love for music. Without that, we could never be the quality station that we have become.

Yes, as DJs, we all love music... and our job is to get the listener to love it, too!

There's many a slip twixt cup and lip!...

...No, folks, I'm not referring to the ease or otherwise of removing a bra with your teeth but that old adage warning about overconfidence before you reach the end of the journey.

It's certainly true for the internet DJ. Just look at all the things that can go wrong and, at some point during at least one of your broadcasts, invariably will. Just look at the elements in the chain which are all required to work 100% for your live show to reach a satisfactory conclusion after 2 or 3 hours of continuous, uninterrupted broadcasting.

I'll start with the inanimate ones. You have to hope for no electricity cuts - OK rare but they happen. You have to hope there are no problems with your internet service -far more common. Sure your computer won't break down or freeze up? After all you've got quite a lot going on while you're on the air. You hope you don't get any problems with SAM or with the MP3 - like it sits on the SAM deck and nothing happens. And one embarrassing disaster which is SO easy to walk into as I did in my early days - Don't reorganise your source music into other folders or files AFTER you have set up your SAM playlist...or the song hits the virtual decks and shoots off again because it can't find the source, leaving you open mouthed and lost...especially when the next one does the same thing! Major major horror!! Oh and of course if you have a tower PC and its under your table, you can guarantee that, at least once, a stray foot will hook round wiring and disconnect something....yep, bin there, done that.

Then there are the animate ones like someone ringing the doorbell when you are in mid show. You can, of course, usually ignore these but just occasionally they are accompanied by cries through the letter box of 'my husband has fallen over and can't get up - please help' as happened once to me. The other one is phone calls so don't have your phone too near your microphone!

These are just the things that can happen at YOUR end. What happens at the really complex end where the server is, heaven only knows. A few things do but Bill loses me in the technical detail whenever I've asked so now I just worry about my end. So watch those encoders like a hawk - something I failed to do last week when the stream faltered !

I'd say one quality the internet DJ needs is a calm, composed temperament in a crisis. Failing that, a pair of reliable incontinence pants!